Behind those words

Not too long ago, Bestie Ling and I were talking about Expectations.

I suppose Expectations are something that we all battle with. Sometimes people will expect us to be and act a certain way, or even have our plans and futures to fit into a certain way. And sometimes these expectations can come from within too. Most too often, we expect ourselves to take control, or rather to be in control of things, future or the unknowns.

But that is never the reality, is it?

Just yesterday, I met up with a friend and we came to a  point where our conversation was revolving about one’s passion and desire. When I asked him what is his passion, almost instantly he replied, ‘Nation-building.’ Truth to be told, this passion of his might appear to be too idealistic, far-fetched or superficial for some people. But as he spoke, there was this gravity of conviction in his words. The sincerity and genuiness that came from him was palpable.  This friend of mine spent 3 years abroad in Australia to further his studies. He then started falling in love with Australia. He also had the opportunity to stay on and it seems to be a natural thing to do. But he made a choice, a choice to be back here, for the love of this home country.

And I know this is no easy decision to make for him.  Especially expectations come to the picture.  Like how Bestie Ling and I talked about pursuing security and greater meaning. Shouldn't we be pursuing something that gives us security? Shouldn't we be selfless? Shouldn't we do things for the greater cause?

For this friend, passion and desire overules Expectations. Having conversing with him and Bestie Ling, my heart was stirred by this unspeakable emotions. With the amount of work he is doing for the community and nation, I am feeling thrilled for him. Ecstatic, even.  Yet at the same time, I’m feeling rather frustrated and upset, to see how these Expectations have blinded the heart and mind of many people- to see how my friends dragging through each passing day by just resetting their days to digits, counting down the minutes to Saturday, or losing themselves in heaps of mindless things.

Looking back at myself, the pursuit of happiness matters. This pursuit of happiness comes from happy people.  I wholeheartedly believe that each little thing counts, and each person matters. But after talking to him, I feel ashamed for not loving my country as much as I supposed to. Or rather, I am not sure if I can love this country enough. Again like any other profound relationship that comes with hindrances, I do remain a soft spot for Malaysia, always.

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Funny enough, how this friend of mine whom I have not met for 6 years, and barely know him well could strike a chord in me within that one hour conversation. And left me thinking hard and long.